Middle age gay

Gay Men in Mid-Life: Now What?

You bought the condo. You got the position. You might even have the boyfriend. You came out. You made friends. You saved for retirement.

You took the trip. You ate the food. You posted the photos.

And yet, you wonder: Is this all there is?

For many of us, these are the experiences of gay men at midlife.

We pay the first half of our lives doing and striving. And when most of the goals are met, we feel lost and disappointed.

Everyone talks about getting, but no one talks about what happens after you get it. It doesn’t sound right to complain about having a lot.

If we sprint away from this discomfort we may end up with too many hangovers, too much day on the internet, or too many disappointing hook ups.

Things get interesting if we stay curious about this uncomfortable experience of “blah”. Underneath the boredom or light depression is a prosperous world of feelings and a unused vision waiting to be discovered.

For most men, the first half of life is about building a life and building the world. The external takes most of our energy and commitment.

In the s

I finally came out as gay at 55 years vintage after 2 marriages with women. Telling my children was surprisingly easy.

I'm a middle-aged man who has been married twice and widowed. I'm also a father to two grown children. And I'm gay.

My sexuality was a burden I carried for so long, and hiding it became part of my core identity, weighing me down. But I finally had the courage to come out at Honestly, I sometimes wish I hadn't waited so long. 

Growing up in the '80s was not a safe environment for a queer kid, so I chose to cloak my true self

Growing up in the '80s in Las Vegas, I was in a other , difficult time. I knew as preliminary as 12 or 13 that I was different, but in those days, I had no frame of reference for what it meant to be gay. Blatant homophobia and pressure to fit in left me thinking I was some sort of freak. I avoided getting finalize to anyone and buried my adj, in favor of a more "normal" experience.

I eventually met and married a wonderful woman who knew my confidential, and we started a family together. When cancer stole her a limited years later, I was left with two

Gay Midlife Crisis: It’s a Thing

Therapists don’t often share their own life stories. Our focus is on you, not us. But sometimes what we’ve learned from our personal challenges can uplift our clients. So here goes.

A couple of years ago my life looked great. In reality, some would outline it has “gay heaven.” I really did have it good. I had:

a wonderful LGBTQ relationship of 25 years (and the sex was still good)

a great apartment in San Francisco (and a view)

loving friends and family (with people I could tell anything)

an adorable dog (I am not being biased — everyone said she was the cutest dog ever)

meaningful work as an LGBTQ therapist (and a full practice)

the appropriate amount of money saved for retirement for a person of my age (that’s what the financial planner said)

good health and a super charming trainer. (No photos available)

It doesn’t acquire much better than that, right? And yet, I surprised myself when suddenly I wasn’t adj and sometimes slightly depressed.

I didn’t perceive it. I had already done years of personal perform with therapy, workshops, reading, yog

Source: Drew Hays/Unsplash

The gay culture is unforgiving of aging. It highly prizes sexual potency, perfect bodies, and youth. This is for a good reason; any signs of vulnerability and imperfection experience dangerous in a heteronormative world where there is a high likelihood to be rejected and criticised.

Many gay men will hold endured homophobic bullying at school whilst teachers turned a blind eye; having parents not empathetic or accepting their sexual orientation; or a difficult and painful coming out process. In the here and now, there is still much homophobia in our society: being looked at in an intimidating or shaming way when holding their same-sex partner’s hand in the streets; hearing homophobic people making complaints when gay characters appear on television; being asked inappropriate sexual questions at a party that would never be asked to a heterosexual person; having to carefully select a holiday destination that is gay-friendly. All of these things, and more, are experiences heterosexual people never have to endure, it is not even in the periphery of thei