Straight men with gay friends

By Karen Blair, Ph.D., and Trent University Students Laura Orchard and Bre O'Handley

“We fell into each other’s arms because of our similarities in our career and because of our age and because we fancy the same sort of things.” This quote could quite likely be the beginning of a wonderful romance story, but instead, it is a quote about friendship delivered toThe Huffington Post by Sir Ian McKellen about his decade’s long friendship with Sir Patrick Stewart.

The two men first came to know each other well on the set of the first X-Men film in , and although the duo played adversaries on the silver screen, offscreen, they were developing a near friendship. On the set, the two men had adjoining trailers, where they spent more second getting to realize each other than in front of the camera. By the end of filming, they had discovered how much they had in common, and to this day, they share one of Hollywood’s most well-known friendships.

Both actors are often photographed together doing mundane things, such as walking a boardwalk while deep in conversation. Perhaps one of the reaso

Straight men don’t desire gay friends

Content Note: mention of homophobia

It’s my first week at Cambridge and I am walking to a lecture with the other people from my course at my college. We create the casual, tedious small talk of freshers’ week. Except, I have no idea what they’re talking about. I try to demand, but I am met with smirks, half-explanations and at worst I am ignored. Any attempt to change the conversation, about an artist I’ve never listened to, is likewise ignored. I soon learn to smile along with the others, smirk and snort as they do. I end up talking to the only girl of the group. We contain nothing in familiar except she is equally as bored with the conversation as I am.

Now, this event would not have irritated me much, except that it is part of a trend that I have been experiencing my entire life. Being excluded by straight men is not unfamiliar territory for me - by this signal it’s to be expected. I recall being called gay in the playground as early as 9; at age 13, a young man I considered a good friend suddenly started mocking my apparent effeminacy; and just this ye

hi, i wanted to start that I never  expect my self  looking for this specific theme.  but I observe that  maybe can help you and me.

I have a similar situation with my relationship. My boyfriends gay ally is inLove with him and he doesn&#;t realize that.  there is so many things that make me grasp that.

1 they spot each other once a week to drink in a bar, when they do and receive drunk, my boyfriends gay friend starts complementing him  in front of me , like his handsome, touching his arm ( in a way that makes me uncomfortable), looking him with this in like eyes. start making inappropriate joke

2 he had a picture of a naked guy that looks like my boyfriend and even he shows the pictures to everybody. and he start saying  DOESNT HE Glance LIKE HIM???

3  he told my boyfriend that he heard that i was dating one of his friends  a couple of times( guy that I don&#;t even know). obviously lies.. don&#;t know what was exactly his intention.

4 he invited my boyfriend first  to an island  and a week after he mentioned and then he invited me .. ( last minute) obiously my boyfriend didn&#;t

I recently finished reading Dr. Robert Garfield’s terrific new novel, Breaking the Male Code: Unlocking the Power of Friendship, and last week participated in a joint interview with him by Dr. Dan Gottlieb on WHYY (National Common Radio) in Philadelphia. This all got me thinking about my own friendships and those of my gay male clients. The bonds between gay men and straight women have been written about and featured in popular media (i.e. Sex in the City, Will and Grace), though a lot less has been said about how gay and straight men recognize and negotiate the distinct challenges, complications, and rewards of their friendships.

Source: istock

According to Garfield, among the many obstacles to male-male platonic intimacy, terror of homosexuality looms large. Straight men fret that if they get too close, others will see them as gay; which in their minds means feminine (horrors!), frail, and perverted. Perhaps even scarier is that their sentimental connections will somehow morph into sexual attraction. Interestingly, in the U.S., before there was such a thing as a gay identit